In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
