How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
