Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
