The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
