Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Randomize
