Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
