The maid of honor just puked.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
