id be glad to
are you so shy because you have an std?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
