she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize