I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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