Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
