Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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