the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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