i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
