He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
