On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
