Are you still at the party or did I leave?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
