remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
