You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
