Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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