I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
