I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How drunk are you?
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