You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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