i just had sex bonerless
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
