Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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