I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
