i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
