I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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