Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
