YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
