whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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