Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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