walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
