apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
