why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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