walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
