Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
