life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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