Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
