You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
