Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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