I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
