I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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