If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
the raccoons are back...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
