I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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