ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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