dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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