i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
