There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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