that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
