get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
