4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
