Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I pour the whiskey from now on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize