We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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