Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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