bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
