So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
