I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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