Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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