Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
