he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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