how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Someone shit on the floor
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
