just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
