I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can I color on your dick again?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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