Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
