haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
