no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
