i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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