just survived the first fart of the relationship.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
