She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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