im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
