you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
