You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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