A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize