you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
