My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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