We won't sleep together?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
