i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
