wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
