I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
