Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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