He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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