y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
