he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
