Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
