I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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